As I mentioned I had surgery on June 8.  It was to hopefully cure some of my womanhood issues.  We'll see if it works.  This has been a tough week... trying hard to relax and stay still is not something I am good at.  I feel so much guilt and responsibility for getting things done.  I am so thankful to have Ndemufayo here though, she has been a huge help.

As I say, I am still adjusting to life back here in Canada.  It has not been easy... to come back here, have Pete away for 7 months, Talitha came back home, 7 people living in a house with 1 bathroom, visitors in and out, and whatever else.  I have become overwhelmed and very discouraged.  I did not want to come back to Canada, and part of me can't understand (even though I believe in a Sovereign God) why he brought me back here.  I am still in the valley and it is foggy, rainy and miserable.  At the end of the 7 months of having Pete away I had grown to LIKE it and enjoyed my independance even though it is not easy to be responsible for everyone and everything!  Our marriage is suffering and I can't see hope in sight.  He lives in a state of oblivion and I live with the reality and it is painful.  I do not know how other missionaries have coped returning from the field, but I do know that many have had their lives fall apart... I believe it is due to a lack of support on the home front... we returned, tired and confused and had our lives turned upside down with Pete moving west and us coping to adjust alone in the east... no more financial support (even though Pete only worked about 30 days out of 90 his first term out west), very little communication from those who communicated with us on the field, we were wounded by people within the organization that we were with in Namibia and no one seemed to care.  That is just how life is... and so we try to cope on our own... thankfully I found a good church here on the Miramichi but I live so far away from everyone that I rarely see them outside of the 4 walls of church, being limited financially means few trips into town.  Anyway... this is how the chips have fallen... I'm tired, lonely, discouraged and frustrated!  I barely have the strength let alone the desire to get out of bed in the morning.  I am hoping that summer will change some of that... but quite frankly I don't think much will change until our marriage begins to get a repair job.  

Well, GOD knows our struggle... and now you have a little clearer look at our struggle... it will be interesting to look BACK in a few years and see how God worked everything out for our good.  Right now, it's heavy and tiring... but I am sure there is something we are learning in all of it.  There is a look into my honest and open window of LIFE after 3 years on the mission field!  Don't ever think that it will never happen to you!  I would rather live without modern conveniences and be at peace than this.

Needing your prayers!

Charlene